“Can I pick your brain over coffee?”
I understand why students use this phrase. You want guidance. You want to learn from someone who has already entered the field. You want to understand what employers value before you spend more time and money preparing for a career.
But as a mentor, I will be honest with you. “Pick your brain” is one of the weakest ways to begin a professional relationship.
The problem is not the coffee chat. The problem is the vague request behind it.
When you ask someone to let you “pick their brain,” you may unintentionally make the conversation sound like unpaid labor. You are asking them to bring the agenda, provide the value, and solve your uncertainty. Busy professionals receive messages like this constantly. Most want to help students, but they also want to know why this conversation matters and how you have prepared.
A better approach turns networking into a focused exchange of insight, preparation, and value.
That is how education becomes a launchpad for success. You do not simply collect contacts. You learn how a field works, test your direction, and build relationships based on mutual respect.
The Problem With Vague Coffee Chats
A traditional coffee chat often follows the same pattern:
- A student sends a generic message.
- The professional agrees to meet.
- The student asks broad questions that could have been answered online.
- The conversation drifts.
- The student requests a referral before trust has been established.
- Both people leave unsure what happens next.
This approach wastes time because it treats networking as a transaction. The student wants access. The professional is expected to provide answers. Neither person has a clear role beyond showing up.
Informational interviews can be valuable when they are prepared well. The Berkeley Career Center describes them as informal conversations, often lasting 20 to 30 minutes, designed to help someone explore a career field or organization. They are not job interviews.
That distinction matters.
You are not meeting someone to pressure them into hiring you. You are meeting to learn from their experience, ask better questions, and make smarter decisions about your own education and career.
Replace “Pick Your Brain” With a Specific Learning Request
A strong networking message answers three questions:
- Why are you contacting this person?
- What specifically do you want to learn?
- How much time are you requesting?
Compare these two messages.
Vague request:
Hi, I would love to pick your brain about your career. Are you available for coffee sometime?
Value focused request:
Hello, I am a second year student studying communications, and I am exploring community engagement careers. I noticed that you moved from higher education into nonprofit communications. Would you be open to a 20 minute conversation about the skills that helped you make that transition? I have researched your current organization and prepared three questions about building experience while still in college.
The second message shows effort. It gives the professional context. It respects their time. It also makes the conversation easier to prepare for.
You are not asking them to solve your entire career. You are asking them to help you understand one important part of your path.
Use the Three Part Value Exchange
I teach students to approach professional conversations through a simple framework:
1. Bring context
Before you contact someone, research their background, organization, and current work.
Read their professional profile. Review the organization’s website. Look for interviews, articles, presentations, or public projects. Then identify one detail that genuinely interests you.
Do not ask a question that takes ten seconds to answer through a basic online search. Your preparation should allow the conversation to move beyond surface level information.
2. Ask focused questions
Your questions should connect to your current decision or goal.
Instead of asking, “What advice do you have for students?” try questions such as:
- What skills do new professionals use most often in your role?
- What experience helped you become more confident in this field?
- What do employers often misunderstand about entry level candidates?
- If you were in my position, what would you build during the next six months?
- What is one part of your work that surprised you after you entered the field?
- What is a useful way for a student to demonstrate value before applying for a job?
Specific questions create useful answers. They also help you decide whether a field fits your interests, strengths, and life purpose.
3. Follow through
The conversation is not complete when you leave the cafe or end the video call.
Send a thank you note within one or two days. Mention something specific you learned. Then act on one piece of advice.
For example:
Thank you for explaining how you built project experience before receiving your first full time role. I am going to apply that advice by creating a short case study for a campus organization this month. I appreciate your time and the practical direction.
This kind of follow up is powerful because it proves that you were listening. It also gives the professional a reason to remember you.
Do Not Lead With Your Resume
Many students believe a coffee chat is a hidden job interview. They bring a resume, wait for the right moment, and then push it across the table.
Slow down.
Your resume may become relevant, but it should not be the purpose of the first conversation. Start by building trust. Learn about the person’s experience. Ask thoughtful questions. Demonstrate that you are serious about learning.
If the professional offers to review your resume, accept graciously. If they ask about your experience, share a brief and relevant example. Your goal is not to force a document into the conversation. Your goal is to become someone worth helping.
A resume makes claims. A focused conversation gives you the opportunity to demonstrate curiosity, preparation, and judgment.
Those qualities matter in every industry.
Create a Conversation That Gives Something Back
You may be a student, but that does not mean you have nothing to offer.
Value does not always mean money, expertise, or a job lead. You can contribute through preparation, respect, energy, research, or thoughtful follow through.
Before your conversation, consider whether you can:
- Share a relevant article or event connected to their work.
- Offer a student perspective on a campus or community issue.
- Summarize a useful finding from your research.
- Connect them with a resource or person in your network.
- Send a brief update after applying their advice.
- Thank them publicly or privately for their guidance, when appropriate.
Do not force value into the conversation. You are not trying to impress the person with a performance. You are showing that you understand relationships require participation from both sides.
That mindset is an investment in me. It teaches you to enter professional spaces as a contributor, not as someone waiting to be rescued.
A Better Coffee Chat Structure
Here is a simple structure for a productive 20 minute conversation:
Minutes 1 to 3: Introduce yourself
Explain who you are, what you are studying or exploring, and why you wanted to speak with this person.
Minutes 4 to 15: Ask and listen
Use two or three prepared questions. Let the conversation develop naturally. Listen for details that help you understand the field and your own interests.
Minutes 16 to 18: Clarify your next step
Ask what action they would recommend for someone at your stage. This could be a project, course, professional association, campus experience, or skill to practice.
Minutes 19 to 20: Close respectfully
Thank them for their time. Ask whether it would be appropriate to stay in touch. If the conversation went well, ask whether there is another person they recommend you speak with.
This format keeps the conversation focused without making it feel rigid.
Networking Should Help You Discover Purpose
When I returned to school after a 13 year gap, I did not have a perfect career plan. I had questions, uncertainty, and a strong desire to build a better future.
I learned that clarity does not always arrive before action. Sometimes you discover your direction by testing possibilities. You speak with someone in a field. You learn what the work actually involves. You realize what excites you, what concerns you, and what skills you need to build next.
That is the real purpose of informational interviews.
You do not need to know your entire life purpose before you begin. You can throw everything against the wall, pay attention to what holds your interest, and use each conversation as information.
Through Spark-ED, I encourage students to treat education as a strategic tool. Your classes, projects, mentors, and professional relationships should help you move toward a meaningful and sustainable career.
The right conversation can become part of that launchpad for success.
Your Action Plan for This Week
Choose one professional whose work genuinely interests you. Then:
- Research their career path for 15 minutes.
- Identify one specific question you want answered.
- Write a short message requesting 20 minutes.
- Prepare three questions before the meeting.
- Send a thoughtful follow up within 48 hours.
- Take one action based on what you learned.
Do not ask someone to let you pick their brain. Ask to learn from a specific part of their experience. Show up prepared. Listen carefully. Follow through.
That is how a coffee chat becomes more than networking. It becomes a practical step toward your life purpose.
For more guidance on using education as a career strategy, explore the College Success resources and learn more about Naphtali Tekoa Bryant.
Subscribe to the blog through the Naphtali Tekoa Bryant newsletter for practical advice on scholarships, career planning, leadership, and purpose driven growth. Follow naphtalitekoabryant.online and keep building your education into a launchpad for success.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is an informational interview?
An informational interview is a short conversation with someone who works in a field, role, or organization you want to understand better. Its purpose is learning and career exploration, not directly requesting a job.
How long should an informational interview last?
A focused informational interview usually lasts 15 to 30 minutes. Request a specific amount of time and respect the person’s schedule.
Is it inappropriate to ask for coffee?
No. Coffee is simply a setting. The problem is a vague request that gives no context and creates unclear expectations. Ask for a specific learning conversation instead.
What should I ask during an informational interview?
Ask about the person’s career path, daily responsibilities, essential skills, industry changes, preparation advice, and the next steps they recommend for someone at your stage.
Should I bring my resume?
You may bring your resume, but do not make it the center of the conversation. Share it if the professional asks or offers feedback.
Categories: Career Strategy, College Success, Professional Development
Tags: Informational Interviews, Coffee Chats, Networking Tips, Student Success, Career Planning, Spark-ED, Career Launchpad, Life Purpose
Recommended publishing window: Tuesday through Thursday between 9:00 and 11:00 a.m. Central Time, followed by newsletter and social promotion during the same morning window.
Sources and further reading
- UC Berkeley Career Center: Informational Interviews
- Indeed: A Complete Guide to Informational Interviews
- Harvard Business Review: How to Get the Most Out of an Informational Interview
- Naphtali Tekoa Bryant: The 48 Hour Portfolio
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